Marriage

Marriage..a very important word for many, if not the most important. Same for me. I mean, as far as I can remember, my dream has been TO FALL IN LOVE, almost like a compulsory phenomenon that HAS TO HAPPEN. Needless to say, I am a complete sucker of romance, and I am a very romantic and imaginative person [ if not the most romantic and imaginative person]. I am able to scrape out romance even out of dumb-sick-to-the-stomach bengali tv serials. I always have a romantic dream that accompanies me, and sometimes I am not even in the main lead! Lets not go into all that, lets just say that I can fantasize with anything and everything and its a beautiful form of escapism for me. I love the concept of two different individuals, complete in themselves, meeting and feeling the genuine need to be with each other for the rest of their lives, for reasons known only to them. And when the world joins in their celebration, it's called marriage. [ I would not like to go into live-in-or-marriage crap, because I personally think, commitment is a natural thing, and one commits when one wants to ] Anyway, so the picture in my mind is pretty clear by now. It is a happy picture :)

A few months back, my parents had asked me if I would like to go in for an arranged marriage. I thought to myself : Arranged marriage...hmm. How bad can it be? After all, my parents will never go against my wish, and we are a family, so quite naturally all of us will have the same choices. Plus, my parents have never been the you-have-to-do-it types. So I said, " Sure, why not!" Like most bengali parents, my parents too were satisfied with my answer. 

Here, I must explain, what was really going on in my mind. My mind was all pink [ my friends would know what I mean by this] It means everything was positive in this world, positive and rosy. A new dream was in the making. Like everything else in my life, I had thought, this would also be a piece of cake! It would be a lot better to find someone, fall in love and be happy ever after. Atleast my heart will not complaint of all the heartaches that it endures owing to all the crushes that I develop in no time at all. The whole process of falling in and out of 'love' is a pain in itself! Trust me! 

So the typical process started, with checking out the guy's pictures, then his qualification, family background etc etc. A lot of little little things happened in the mean while, all related to this pain call arranged marriage [ Unlike some I am not able to write in detail since they are very personal and involve my most loved ones]. Soon I realized that, this whole thing, it is not something very easy, and definitely not remotely rosy. I mean, the guys I like, don't like me, and the ones I DON'T like, well ..they like me!! Can anyone imagine the confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell, I am just 23 years old, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet [ not literally of course] and here I was, given a LONG list of things to choose from?! I felt like an impractical fool every time this topic came up, which continues even to this day. 

I know, the whole concept of falling in love is overrated and it's difficult for most people to understand. But I can't help it if I believe that 'You've got mail', 'Serendipity', 'August Rush' have a possibility of being a reality. I really believe that there is something called 'connection' and it exists. IT DOES! I have seen it. It is cruel to make a choice on the basis of the guy's institution, his level of degree, where he stays, how many siblings he has etc etc. I just can't bring myself to do this. Maybe in today's world, I would be regarded as a fool, impractical, kiddish, silly and everything on those lines. But I am what I am and it's too late to change it. I know that I am hurting a lot of people in the process, but I am helpless if you ask me to marry someone based on anything other than love. 

And yes, I also want a comfortable life for myself but not at the cost of my emotions, which are my most precious possessions. You take that away from me and I will have nothing. So, nothing in the world can make me fall in love, no money, no degree, no cars, no houses, no nothing, until, love happens. And it will...[touchwood] 

p.s : Never in my wildest dreams had I thought of writing a post on this topic, I mean stuffs like these are for  personal diaries.My diaries are filled with such stuff and more, but, somehow I needed to write it on a more open medium, I don't know why.