I am not at all happy and it's all my fault. Me and my 'bere pakami'. When will I learn? :x

College days coming to an end... excited about our last seminar though... hope we don't 'goof uf' :p

Liberation, freedom, principles are all powerful words used by people who either don't understand the meaning of it or don't practice it. I just wish I did not have to learn this fact a hard way. I feel extremely sad to think that all the basic beliefs of my life, which are so personal and precious, are changing right before my eyes and I am powerless to stop it from happening. I am exhausted.

blah~

Park street is in a mess, the politicians are arguing about something irrelevant [as usual], all my friends are upset for different reasons, its so damn hot, have an exam tomorrow... :( I am just so sad.

Everyday,

I am born to a new battle.

Every night,

I die a martyr.

SAD

You know what I would REALLY like?? The creation of a machine or the invention of a process that would allow me to wipe out all that makes me sad!!! Ja kichu na bhalo lagar jinish...shob bhule jabo! What a day that would be! Almost all my friends have told me that I think too much, more than what is required, and its the reason why I always end up with a heavy heart. Since I am a failure at controlling my thought process, I would really like to forget all that needs to be forgotten. How convenient life would be. I am not saying that I want a perfect life, that would make me feel unchallenged. I want to live my life just as it is pre-destined to be, 'perform' all the mistakes that life expects out of me, go through my share of suffering, no complaints there. But at the end of the day, I would really like to forget a few things. 

Harsh realisations :(

1. I can never go to the moon.
2. No matter how many books I read, I can never read my destiny.
3. It will never rain because I am sad, it needs some other scientific reason.
4. Being emotional is the luxury of people who have otherwise a better life, when you know you have to move on no matter what, you don't have the liberty to be emotional about it.

'Amar chhaat'

Every evening, when the sun has set, it is time for me to make some tea and go to my terrace. Its the best time of the day for me, where I can relax and think. I have always managed to come back with a clear head .Basically, if  there's anywhere in the world I find complete peace...its my terrace. It does not have the best of views, it does not overlook the city or greenery, rather a very busy and noisy street runs below, with the autowallahs engaging in their daily squabble (out of sheer boredom or out of habit.. hard to tell!), the cars always trying to overtake each other, very strong street lights blinding my eyes etc. etc.. However, from my favourite angle you can see the jadavpur thana and the south city apartments... not a very pleasing view but it's so amazingly comforting. There have been times when my parents had thought of covering the terrace with a tin roof to ward off the heat, or enclosing the area for some work purpose that they had even tried to bribe me with a swing ( the big wooden ones, where you can lie down)!! Wow.. I so wanted the swing, but not at the cost of the open uninterrupted sky! If the sky is blocked then whom will I throw my questions at?? No way.. decided. For some time now I have been thinking of having some kind of lighting arrangement there so I can read there.... bhabte hobe...

I miss...

Blogging

Blogging... very easy... if you can write, you can blog. But for that you should have something to write about. That's where most of us fail! I just went through some blogs and they were amazing, in terms of content. I was like wow! Sadly I don't feel wow about my blog!! I just felt that they must have had such interesting lives, so much so u feel like a part of their lives when you read their stuff. They are so damn real! I have to say this.....BYAPOK!

I say it best when I say nothing at all :D :D

Oshojho!

Romantic songs @ gym is not exactly an incentive!!!! :x specially when you are already upset that your friends had 'good' canteen food and you didn't [ couldn't] ! One bite and 5 more ab crunches! yikes! BUT point is not that....point is....first of all romantic songs should be banned in gym...and people shouting ' jore daoooo' everytime a mushy track is being played should be forced to discontinue!!

tomorrow 10.30am....viva starts...on china...prepared a lot..read for two whole days...just before hitting the bed i thought of just checking my memory [ always a mistake]...all i could remember was... sun yat sen died in page no. 143. [dirghonishassh]

Ideal Match

Ideal match...one that lights up a fire at one go...one that burns relentlessly..even when the sun is too strong to drown its light, even when it has the rain to fight..the one that sustains through darkness and shines at the other end of it..one that keeps one warm when pain freezes the soul..the one that keeps you company on your birthdays, during the festivals, during the functions..if lucky..even when you are 'powerless'...the one without which every wish and every prayer is incomplete..








If you didn't understand the above post...then AIM matchsticks are great...my personal favourite.

Failure... it breaks your heart, makes you weak, leaves you with innumerable questions which nothing in the world could satisfy. But each time you emerge with a stronger sense of yourself. So maybe some failures are really worth the trouble.

SAD

Yet again... but then again... never-mind.