Pic

I just love this picture!

Save me from Mao

Me and Mao for the past five days,  great man....he hs done a lottttttttttttttt of things in his lifetime...but not great if you hv to study him for an exam....he has done tooooooo many things!!!! :((((( Kalke exam hole ami baachi!!! M sick of china!!!!!!!!!!! : xxxxxxx  And there is no point is studying like this! Sigh! Break is over... Mao calling! :|

Surprise surprise

I was searching for a thing when I suddenly bumped into my old diaries. Very old diaries. Earlier I had never taken the opportunity to go through them but today I felt like it. As I was going through some of the things I had written, I was struck by the fact that I have grown up so much!! I couldn't believe some of the things I had written there. I was SO naive! Reading them now almost feels like reading a diary of a girl I used to know. I also realised that the girl has transformed and suddenly remembered what a professor had said about transformation. That, whenever transformation takes place, a change occurs, but the 'form' remains. It is so true. I mean as much as there were things that have no possibility of happening now, there were some things which continue even to this day. But what was ok many years ago is not OK today. So that was a reality check. Suddenly the perspective that I was lacking for some days was back on track. I guess, sometimes it is useful to take a breather, to turn back and measure the length of the journey so far. It is SO worth it!

I love my new blog colour :)

kichu lokeder jibone kichu hobe na. ei amar level of concentration??!!! ccchiiiiiii

Kono kaaj nei

Is it true that when you wish for something with all your heart it comes true? 

Is there anyone in the world who enjoys being powerless?

Is there anything called destiny?

Who decides what is right and what is wrong?

Why is hope the strongest emotion yet too much of it makes one weak?

When will I step out of my current state of mind?

What happens to me when it rains? 

I hope [again] that one day, I will have the answers to all these questions and will write elaborate posts on them. WOW! That will be some day!

30.4.2010, our last day at college ( university). A day that will stay with me forever. Jadavpur University... a witness to my life for 5 long years, all my special moments, both happy and sad, somehow absorbed in the walls, stairs, chairs and everything that makes up Jadavpur University what it is. See... I am getting emotional now! When will I ever be able to detach my emotions as a writer?! Anyway, my relationship with my college has been the most 'complete' relationship of my life. I joined it due to parental pressure, hated it for a pretty long time, then the hatred took a more subdued form of dislike, eventually giving way to a likeness and finally love. An unconditional love with the place because it has given me so much. It was a much needed preparatory stage before my actual 'tough' life begins. Anyway, love the place, yes, but I believe the relationship is complete since I have also managed to 'let go' of the place, and kept all the memories, good, bad and ugly, safe with me. I have given 5yrs of my life to this institution and was paid back by a lot more. A LOT MORE. :)

ps: I wish I could do justice to my feelings, coz when I write about myself, I suck!

WHEN WILL I LEARN TO LET GO?

Miracle

Is there anything called a miracle? According to science, maybe no, but what about when doctors are heard saying the line, ' dawaon ki nahi, duyaon ki zaroorat hain'. What about then? Is there any possibility of turning my thoughts into a reality? Even a single hint now and then from the man above will not be such a bad thing. I am hoping for a miracle for some days now, because I know that, it is probably the only way of getting what I am asking for. God, sometimes you have to take charge of my life also!! I know that your 'to do' list is overflowing of important stuff but my case is also very important you see. It is very very important. Please, make use of your resources and create a miracle....please :)

Marriage

Marriage..a very important word for many, if not the most important. Same for me. I mean, as far as I can remember, my dream has been TO FALL IN LOVE, almost like a compulsory phenomenon that HAS TO HAPPEN. Needless to say, I am a complete sucker of romance, and I am a very romantic and imaginative person [ if not the most romantic and imaginative person]. I am able to scrape out romance even out of dumb-sick-to-the-stomach bengali tv serials. I always have a romantic dream that accompanies me, and sometimes I am not even in the main lead! Lets not go into all that, lets just say that I can fantasize with anything and everything and its a beautiful form of escapism for me. I love the concept of two different individuals, complete in themselves, meeting and feeling the genuine need to be with each other for the rest of their lives, for reasons known only to them. And when the world joins in their celebration, it's called marriage. [ I would not like to go into live-in-or-marriage crap, because I personally think, commitment is a natural thing, and one commits when one wants to ] Anyway, so the picture in my mind is pretty clear by now. It is a happy picture :)

A few months back, my parents had asked me if I would like to go in for an arranged marriage. I thought to myself : Arranged marriage...hmm. How bad can it be? After all, my parents will never go against my wish, and we are a family, so quite naturally all of us will have the same choices. Plus, my parents have never been the you-have-to-do-it types. So I said, " Sure, why not!" Like most bengali parents, my parents too were satisfied with my answer. 

Here, I must explain, what was really going on in my mind. My mind was all pink [ my friends would know what I mean by this] It means everything was positive in this world, positive and rosy. A new dream was in the making. Like everything else in my life, I had thought, this would also be a piece of cake! It would be a lot better to find someone, fall in love and be happy ever after. Atleast my heart will not complaint of all the heartaches that it endures owing to all the crushes that I develop in no time at all. The whole process of falling in and out of 'love' is a pain in itself! Trust me! 

So the typical process started, with checking out the guy's pictures, then his qualification, family background etc etc. A lot of little little things happened in the mean while, all related to this pain call arranged marriage [ Unlike some I am not able to write in detail since they are very personal and involve my most loved ones]. Soon I realized that, this whole thing, it is not something very easy, and definitely not remotely rosy. I mean, the guys I like, don't like me, and the ones I DON'T like, well ..they like me!! Can anyone imagine the confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell, I am just 23 years old, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet [ not literally of course] and here I was, given a LONG list of things to choose from?! I felt like an impractical fool every time this topic came up, which continues even to this day. 

I know, the whole concept of falling in love is overrated and it's difficult for most people to understand. But I can't help it if I believe that 'You've got mail', 'Serendipity', 'August Rush' have a possibility of being a reality. I really believe that there is something called 'connection' and it exists. IT DOES! I have seen it. It is cruel to make a choice on the basis of the guy's institution, his level of degree, where he stays, how many siblings he has etc etc. I just can't bring myself to do this. Maybe in today's world, I would be regarded as a fool, impractical, kiddish, silly and everything on those lines. But I am what I am and it's too late to change it. I know that I am hurting a lot of people in the process, but I am helpless if you ask me to marry someone based on anything other than love. 

And yes, I also want a comfortable life for myself but not at the cost of my emotions, which are my most precious possessions. You take that away from me and I will have nothing. So, nothing in the world can make me fall in love, no money, no degree, no cars, no houses, no nothing, until, love happens. And it will...[touchwood] 

p.s : Never in my wildest dreams had I thought of writing a post on this topic, I mean stuffs like these are for  personal diaries.My diaries are filled with such stuff and more, but, somehow I needed to write it on a more open medium, I don't know why. 

Why

All of us use some word or the other all the time. In my case the word is 'why', that also with an extremely whiny tone accompanying it. Whenever things don't go my way, or I am in a crisis situation, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is ' keno re?' [ Why?] I remember what a friend of mine had told me once, ' shob keno r kono uttor hoi na', that is, ' not all whys have answers'. I know, sometimes there are some questions which have no proper answer, but this explanation does not satisfy me!! I keep on asking, WHY WHY WHY :( [ sick of it!] I can't help it if I want answers, I mean proper answers!! OSHOJHO!

Hrishikesh Mukherjee

I don't know since when I have been in love with Hrishikesh Mukherjee films. Earlier when we didn't have cable connection at home, I used to wait for the Saturdays to come so that I could watch old Hindi movies, I even left my dancing class only because I had to give up the climax of all those movies for the class timing! Though I must mention that I did not like bharatnatyam much, I would rather be the couch potato anyway! As I grew up I realized that it is not only about old Hindi movies in general, but about a particular type, that is the Hrishikesh Mukherjee type, which fascinates me the most. I think he was the best... no melodrama, no nautanki, just plain good movies. Movies which you can watch again and again. I have lost count of how many times I have seen Chupke Chupke, Khoobsurat, Golmaal and Bawarchi. They are my most favourites. I have also watched the other ones, but these stand out. For me there is nothing like the combination of  Hrishikesh Mukherjee films and tea to make me feel good. I am in love with the whole concept of big families, the odd mixture of people, the subtle sarcasm, the laughter, the beautiful songs, the innocent love story and most importantly the believable storyline. There was a time when I used to take the lessons from these movies quite seriously. For eg: when Rajesh Khanna's character in Bawarchi says " apna kaam toh sab karte hain, lekin dusroh ka kaam karne mein jo mazaa hain woh kisi mein nahi..." [:P] There are so many like these!! Damn sweet. Somehow the uncomplicated nature of his movies is something that I enjoy the most. I mean in today's life, we have no time for such morals, everyone is busy to get to their dreams, there is hardly any time for anyone to spare a thought for others [:(] But that's the reality of today, atleast I have the movies to make me happy again, after a hard day in real life! :)

LOL

Such a small word, such a big burden. 

love n hope

Finally I did it...after delaying it for the last one month, I finally came around to buy my first pets..if you can call them pets that is!! yup they r my babies..and I named them love and hope..because I think love n hope makes life worth living :) [ also because I am ever hopeful about love :P ] Anyway, they r new in my life, so I can't really write about them in detail, but ya, love has a small black patch in her tail so she can be easily identified. Plus whenever I give them food, she is the first one to come up and have them. Hope is kinda slow. And I may be wrong, but I feel that whenever I talk to them, they come close to the glass and stay there till m done [ U don't HAVE TO believe that] . 

Nonsense

Do you know the similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent boys??











Both don't exist!!!

I am not at all happy and it's all my fault. Me and my 'bere pakami'. When will I learn? :x

College days coming to an end... excited about our last seminar though... hope we don't 'goof uf' :p

Liberation, freedom, principles are all powerful words used by people who either don't understand the meaning of it or don't practice it. I just wish I did not have to learn this fact a hard way. I feel extremely sad to think that all the basic beliefs of my life, which are so personal and precious, are changing right before my eyes and I am powerless to stop it from happening. I am exhausted.

blah~

Park street is in a mess, the politicians are arguing about something irrelevant [as usual], all my friends are upset for different reasons, its so damn hot, have an exam tomorrow... :( I am just so sad.